Monday, September 19, 2011

Thinking about round two...

I am not even pregnant with bean 2...and yet I'm thinking about the inevitable end to that pregnancy. The birth end. And when I think about that end, I still get angry about the end to the first birth (aside from the healthy baby).

I so very deeply want a different ending this time (aside from the healthy baby, that can stay the same).

I don't want to labour in such extreme pain, knowing that its completely unneccessary. I don't want to feel as though I don't matter and that I don't have a choice, when I know that I do. I also don't want to have the fear that if shit goes sideways - as it can and does in birth that the right people who know how to do the right thing at the right time won't be there. I don't want to experience the changes that go along with pushing a baby out the way 'nature intended'. I researched my options last time (not that it did a fuck load of good) and I came to the reasonable answer for myself - one that had on a whole comparable risks and that I felt would yield the best outcome. I did everything I could to get what I thought would lead to the best outcome for myself and my child, and I didn't get it. The baby waited, I waited, and the system failed us.

How do I avoid going down the same road again? How do I guarantee an anaesthesiologist will be there? When it comes to birth in Canada - there is no private what's an informed elective c-section desiring girl to do?

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