I am not even pregnant with bean 2...and yet I'm thinking about the inevitable end to that pregnancy. The birth end. And when I think about that end, I still get angry about the end to the first birth (aside from the healthy baby).
I so very deeply want a different ending this time (aside from the healthy baby, that can stay the same).
I don't want to labour in such extreme pain, knowing that its completely unneccessary. I don't want to feel as though I don't matter and that I don't have a choice, when I know that I do. I also don't want to have the fear that if shit goes sideways - as it can and does in birth that the right people who know how to do the right thing at the right time won't be there. I don't want to experience the changes that go along with pushing a baby out the way 'nature intended'. I researched my options last time (not that it did a fuck load of good) and I came to the reasonable answer for myself - one that had on a whole comparable risks and that I felt would yield the best outcome. I did everything I could to get what I thought would lead to the best outcome for myself and my child, and I didn't get it. The baby waited, I waited, and the system failed us.
How do I avoid going down the same road again? How do I guarantee an anaesthesiologist will be there? When it comes to birth in Canada - there is no private option...so what's an informed elective c-section desiring girl to do?