Compassion and Support in Short Supply for Victoria Parents Caught Off-guard

There are times when people step up to the plate to do what needs to be done to see another person through, and then there are times when people demonstrate a lack of compassion and sheer contempt for another person’s plight. Sadly, the tale of Wesley Branch, Ada Guan and baby Chloe is a tale where a young couple is thrown into parenthood without preparing themselves, where the details of their lives are put under a microscope and judged – and ultimately where people are choosing to shove another person down instead of giving that other person a hand up. What is really sad, is that the person who is likely to be harmed the most, weighs less than 10 pounds and did not ask for the circumstances into which she has been born.

Being a parent is not easy – even when a person has had the better part of 9 months to prepare for it. Giving birth is not easy – and I cannot imagine it was easy doing so on board a plane enroute to Japan (there are no epidurals at 30,000 feet). Being under the intense scrutiny of the media is not easy. Being a new mom is not easy. Being young and living in a basement suite in a city that is notoriously expensive to live in is not easy. Indeed, it is difficult to not have some sympathy for this couple and their plight.

Should Ada have known that she was pregnant? Probably. Can I understand how that would be the last thing a 23 year-old young unmarried woman of Asian descent living away from home would want to find out? Absolutely. It is not unimaginable that she was on birth control, possibly even birth control that supressed her periods and it failed – for whatever reason. It is not unimaginable that she may have dismissed her symptoms and neglected to seek medical attention. Was it the right thing to do? No. Is it understandable? Yes. Did it mean that her baby was put at risk? Yes – prenatal care has proven benefits to babies in that mothers who are aware they are pregnant can take steps to ensure a healthy pregnancy, birth and transition into motherhood, baby Chloe as a result of her mother’s lack of awareness or willingness to seek medical care was denied access to prenatal care. Further, if there had been any complications during delivery – Baby Chloe had an increased risk of death due to lack of access to appropriate medical care. Did it mean that Ada was put at risk? Yes. Having an unplanned pregnancy and birth is dangerous to mothers. What would have happened had Ada had a post-partum hemorrhage after the birth or some other complication that merited emergency medical care? Ada, as a result of being unaware of her pregnancy status, also put her own health and well-being at risk.

Both Ada and Chloe are incredibly lucky that the pregnancy and birth did not result in far more adverse outcomes for either one of them. However, both Ada and Chloe continue to be in a high-risk situation.

Ada is now a mother, with all that goes with being a mother. It was not a choice that she made after consideration of what she wants in her life, nor a choice that she has had time to prepare for but rather a choice that has been made for her –at a time when her life has been under intense scrutiny. What choices does Ada now have, under these circumstances and under what circumstances will the outcome for baby Chloe be good?

How can Ada and Wesley be empowered to focus on the best interests of their child and be supported in making the decisions that need to be made and doing the things that need to be done to ensure that baby Chloe’s needs are met?

The community response to date is chilling -people have found it in themselves to not only, not have sympathy but to have sheer contempt and judgement for this couple. Wesley Branch is unemployed and on disability. Ada Guan is a student who works part-time. They are 24 and 23 years of age. And until this past week, were living lives that are pretty typical of 24 and 23 year olds in Victoria. They had the audacity to take a trip to Japan – and to unwittingly become parents.

The community has not stepped up to the plate by doing what needs to be done to support and empower this couple at their time of need. Sadly, the couple’s GoFundMe page has raised a meagre $2,070 to date and has a $5,000 goal – a fraction of the expenses associated with new parenthood. Further, the campaign to raise funds has generated considerable backlash – and has likely left the couple feeling isolated and alienated. Perhaps, sadder still is that money is a small part of what new parents need to succeed – and that these new parents have some considerable challenges ahead. Challenges that crowd-funding is poorly equipped to handle.

Either Wesley or Ada (or both) need stable employment that can provide an adequate income to provide safe, clean housing and adequate nutrition – the living wage in Victoria for two parents working full-time to adequate provide for two kids is currently $18.93 per hour. Wesley and Ada likely need career counselling to determine the jobs that they can qualify for and to give them the tools (ie. a refined resume, training, and help with job searching and interviews) they need to get those jobs. Ideally, they would be able to find jobs that also provide extended health benefits, as many prescription drug costs & dental costs are not covered under the provincial medical services plan. Or perhaps an employer could come forward with an offer of employment to assist this young couple? Alternatively, they may need to apply for employment and income assistance.

Wesley and Ada need to get up to speed on caring for an infant. They likely need a reliable family doctor (sadly I note that none are currently accepting new patients) and would likely benefit from training in infant first aid, basic infant care and parenting information.

Assuming Wesley and Ada find adequate employment, they will need reliable, safe childcare. Finding childcare in Victoria is notoriously difficult with spaces for infants being the most difficult to find. Many parents get on waitlists months in advance of their due date in order to have a space available when they need it. Worse yet, childcare in Victoria tends to be notoriously expensive with many infant spaces costing more than $1,000 per month. Again, Ada and Wesley would be wise to look into the BC Child Care Subsidy to mitigate this expense.

Wesley and Ada need adequate housing – they are currently living in a basement suite in Fernwood and might find that it is inadequate for the needs of a family of 3. Most 2 bedroom units in Victoria rent for more than $1000. Wesley and Ada would be wise to contact BC Housing to apply for a subsidized unit to move into.

Wesley and Ada likely need a range of baby goods including a safe crib, a stroller, a car seat (what I’ve just listed often tallies to more than $1,000 alone), clothing, bedding, diapers, formula (or alternatively a breast pump and nursing bras and clothing and bottles if Ada is to continue working), baby toys, etc., etc., etc. As a parent with small children, I can attest that the list of needs for an infant is nothing short of staggering. Some items may be purchased used and that can save some money or better yet, some items might be donated.

Lastly, Wesley and Ada need a communities of of support like those at the Young Parents Support Network and Parent Support BC and Ada needs to find other moms who can help her figure out motherhood for herself and she might also benefit from the baby and toddler groups offered by Mothering Touch or other local drop-in play groups. I would also encourage Ada and Wesley to check out and access Strong Start .

The decisions in the days, weeks, months and years to come are not easy choices and will require guidance, maturity and hard work – a complete departure from the lifestyle they once knew just a few short weeks ago. While their fundraising campaign drew a considerable amount of backlash as the amount originally asked for was thought extravagant, the reality is that this couple is going to need a lot of support going forward. Ideally, the community would step-up to the plate and offer a hand-up to young parents – the kind of support that helps to ensure that their kid does not suffer as a result of being born into the wrong circumstance.

This couple deserves a second chance and a hand-up – or at the very least their baby does not deserve to bear the consequences for the poor judgement and past decisions of its parents. The very least we can do is step-up for the sake of children and we could start by stepping up for the sake of this child. For the sake of baby Chloe, I am hoping that her parents are empowered and enabled to do what is in her best interests.

Tragedy and Hope - Heartache, Death and Birth

At Victoria General Hospital right now there is a man who is waiting for a caesarean section, he waits because his wife, unlike every other mother-to-be is no longer able to wait as she is brain dead. She suffered a fatal cerebral hemorrhage on December 28, 2013. Her husband left to get her some Tylenol for a headache she had, and came home to find her unresponsive. He called 9-1-1, and while they were able to sustain her on life support, the damage was too severe and there is no hope for her recovery. She was 22 weeks pregnant at the time. She has been kept on life support since, in the hopes that her unborn son might be born safely at 35 weeks (in about 7-8 weeks time), or emergently if her body begins to fail her before then. Given his current gestational age – the baby already has an excellent chance of surviving the birth (80 percent).

The arrival of Iver Cohen Benson is expected to be bittersweet – a miracle born out of a terrible tragedy. Shortly after his arrival, his mother will take her final breaths and his father (Dylan Benson) will have to say his final farewells to the body of his life partner. He will embark on a new life then – the life of a new father, the life of a single parent, the life of a widower.

I applaud Mr. Benson for having the courage to take it on – he appears to determined to give his son the best life that he can. He has taken leave from his work to be at the side of his unborn son. After his arrival he will need to be by his son’s side for any required stay in the NICU, and after that the hard work will begin. The job of being both mother and father to a very small child while attempting to grieve and heal from a tremendous loss in his life.

Mr. Benson is going to need an incredible amount of support. Not just from his family and friends but also from his community. He is going to need all of the support he can get – all the support that most new mothers need, he will need. All the support that single parents need – he will need. All the support that widows/widowers need, he will need.

It warms my heart to see the outpouring of support that has begun for Mr. Benson and little Iver, but it needs to be understood that the support that has been given so far is just that. A start. This is the beginning of a very long (and potentially very expensive) road ahead, a road that will be navigated alone.

To give some idea about the costs of being a widowed parent to a newborn infant/toddler/pre-schooler think about the following :

1. If Mrs. Benson had survived, she would have received maternity/parental benefits and as a result of her employment (provincial government) her wages would have been topped up while she was on leave (up to 85% during 17 weeks of maternity leave and 75% while on parental leave) – and Mr. Benson would have been able to continue to work. After a year of leave if Mrs. Benson returned to work – she would have earned her income as well as being enabled to contribute to the daycare expenses of the child. If she chose to become a stay at home parent, daycare expenses would be avoided. In Victoria the costs of a full-time infant space is about $1150 per month – nannies are more expensive with live-in nannies costing about $1500 per month and live-outs costing $15 per hour.

2. If Mrs. Benson had survived, her family would have benefited from extended health benefits that she receives as a result of her employment. Unless Mr. Benson also has extended health benefits through his employment, those expenses will be out-of-pocket ones in the years to come.

3. If Mrs. Benson had survived, she may have chosen to breastfeed her son. Given her death and her son’s likely prematurity, he will likely need donor breastmilk. If you are in a position of donating breastmilk, please consider doing so to a breastmilk bank where donor milk is appropriately screened and pasteurized) – in BC information on doing so can be found at www.breastfeedingmatter.ca/html/milk-bank.html - babies like baby Iver benefit immensely from these donations. Eventually, baby Iver will likely need formula – and this can be tremendously expensive, particularly if baby Iver has any sensitivities and is in need of a hypo-allergenic breastmilk. The costs of formula feeding can exceed $500 per month. An excellent resource for those who formula feed is the fearless formula feeder at www.fearlessformulafeeder.com .

4. Being a parent is a very hard job, and being one to a small child is a special challenge that frequently involves sleep deprivation. It’s hard enough when there are two parents able to take on the challenge – as one can often provide some respite for the other. As a result of Mrs. Benson’s death, that respite might be unavailable or might come at a cost – on average babysitters in Victoria charge between $10-$15 per hour.

5. Being a widow is no easy task either. Mr. Benson’s story reminds me of Matt Longelin’s in some ways (www.mattlogelin.com) – he too was thrust into new parenthood and widowerhood at the same time when his wife passed within 48 hours of the birth of their daughter, Madeline. Accessing psychological counselling can run about $160 per hour.

This is why I hope that Mr. Benson can far exceed his fundraising goals and succeed in being the dad he wants to be and giving little Iver the best life he can. I hope little Iver brings him joy. I hope Iver is able to meet his full potential and always knows how much he is loved by his father and his community. I hope the financial toll of losing Mrs. Benson is mitigated to the degree possible – because the loss of a mother is already tragic enough without it also imposing financial ruin on those left behind as they try to grapple with the void that is left.

I should add that I do not personally know the Bensons – but I wish them the best possible outcome under these horrible circumstances.

If you would like to consider donating to Dylan Benson and his son, Iver – they’ve established a donation page at http://www.youcaring.com/help-a-neighbor/baby-iver-fund/133560 entitled "Baby Iver Fund"

Regional Variation in Referral Practices and Approach to CDMR

I learned something last night - something that had I known last time, I would have taken a very different approach to my pregnancy and birth plan. I learnt that the referral practices in Victoria are very different from the referral practices in Vancouver - so different that I would almost expect them to be from different provinces or different countries instead of just a short hop-skip across the Georgia Straight. Specifically, I discovered, that it is infinitely easier to get an OBGYN to look after you for your pregnancy in Vancouver than it is here. Victoria has some weird custom whereby the OBGYNs do not take low-risk pregnant women on until fairly late into their pregnancies. In contrast, in Vancouver - a woman can ask to be referred to an OB (instead of the choice of GP who does maternity care and midwife) and actually expect that request to be carried out in a timely way.

I anticipate my first meeting with my OB will be in 4-6 weeks from now - when I'll be about 12-14 weeks pregnant. That is 22-24 weeks sooner than my first meeting with the OB in my last pregnancy.

I also learnt that in Vancouver, a scheduled c-section is just that - a scheduled c-section (regardless of the reason) and that I should expect a specific time and date for my c-section at some point between 39 weeks and 40 weeks gestation and that I should not expect to be 'bumped'... apparently bumping in my new OBGYN's experience is very rare (less than 5 percent of the time) and generally of a short duration (an hour or less) when it does occur. I cannot begin to tell you the kind of piece of mind this brings - unlike my last pregnancy where I was on tanterhooks for 36 weeks fearing that my request would be denied, only to have my request granted, breathe a sigh of relief for 3 weeks and then ultimately be denied what was a very well informed and clearly communicated decision on how I wanted my child to be born.

So it looks like I will be shlepping back and forth to Vancouver over the coming months - and that's okay, I want the person who will deliver my baby to also be the person who looks after me during my pregnancy - and given that I prefer a surgical birth route, the person who will deliver my baby isn't a GP and isn't a midwife.

Logistically, financially, and emotionally - this appears to be a very workable plan. If I were drinking, I'd pop open that bubbly we didn't quite get to before seeing two lines on the pregnancy test -- but I guess some fancier potato chips and fancier ginger ale will have to do in my morning sickness induced quesy state.

Is DOBA in BC around the corner?

Last week, the anesthesiologists were given a 'final offer' in a pay dispute that has been ongoing for years. The dispute has impacted on the quality of care that mothers at Victoria General Hospital have been able to access during labour and delivery.

This week the anesthesiologists have offered $3 million of their own funding to help recruit staff to help high-risk pregnant mothers and their babies.

Unfortunately, unless offers become deals, the situation at Victoria General Hospital (and other level 3 hospitals in BC that do not have DOBA) is unlikely to change. So far the track record for resolving the problem is less than inspiring. Unless the offer made on December 1 is competitive with what is available in other provinces, I don't think its very likely that the anesthesiologists will accept it. Further, unless the BCMA and the Ministry of Health are willing to work with the anesthesiologists on their offer of $3 million to recruit maternity staff - it is unlikely to have any impact in practice.

I am watching this situation unfold, and am truly hoping for the best as patient care needs to be the priority in this province - too many moms and babies have already paid a rather dear price while the BCMA, BCAS, and Ministry of Health have squabbled.